Obsessive (Poem)

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Look at me getting obsessive again

reading, re-reading and rewriting

Overcompensating, oversensitive and overanalysing

Checking everything a million times over

and over and over and over

Except my behaviour

Because that would make me sober

And I’m not ready to be anything but everything wrong

Not quite malleable but not quite strong

I find myself constantly refreshing my devices

Looking at the life of a lover

Seems to be where my new vice is

Because god forbid I’d do anything good for me

As if all this disordered behaviour will ever set me free

And I haven’t even learned to talk openly yet

You’re as sick as your secrets, don’t dare forget

Well lock me up and put me away

Because my lies and deceit I’ll take to the grave

I want so much to learn to be loved

But I’ve cried enough tears and shed too much blood

Over copious lukewarm sweethearts

Wanting something more than something that never starts

Because I’m good for a night

But not for life

And too much of a good time

Will ruin the high

So I close my eyes

and I’m Shutting them tight

praying you’re not another lover

that’ll be gone by sunlight



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